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the crimson child

Oct. 11th, 2009

07:56 pm - so I found this little paper in a bin of little papers.

 - List out everything that I'm doing right now.
What am I moving toward?
What, if anything, can I cut from what I am doing?
What would I rather be doing than what I am doing now?

Sep. 22nd, 2009

12:00 am - /At Infinity's Edge.

So I think and I think and I think. and

it seems to me I am at peace alone on a path
moving into the sky through the hills
through the canyons
through the sage.

Oh, Georgia. How did you do it?
How did you leave It All to skip into the desert
dance up the awe-inspiring paths
& paint your Heart
How did you do it
will I follow?
Am I following as I roam
or creating my path alongside yours.

At Infinity's Edge
we dance.


Sep. 20th, 2009

09:16 pm - Blondie! a Salon - Call for art - Ongoing

Blondie! a Salon in Portland, OR is currently needing artists to show. 2D Works & wall-mountable 3D works accepted.
Artist is responsible for own hanging, labeling, & promotions. Contact Ron Kotkins (one of the owners) at 503.544.2112.
The salon is located at 1225 SW Alder, Portland, OR. You may also work with Ron to schedule a musician to play for the
openings. It is a paying gig & Ron will supply pizza/beer for the openings as well, First Thursdays. The artist is required
to be there for the opening, and each show runs for one month.
Please tell Ron you saw this posting. Thanks! - Martha Wallulis

Aug. 27th, 2009

05:37 pm - Siren Arts Call for Art for Oct/Nov show at Olympic Mills, Portland, OR

Hey ladies, check out the call for art from Chris Haberman:

We (Portland City Art - art non profit) are exhibiting and hosting the 2nd annual Siren Arts Festival visual arts programming at Olympic Mills Commerce Center for October-November, 2009.  First Thurs in Nov celebration.  This show is a celebration of the art of women of Portland.  We are honored to be working with Siren Arts and having this 2nd Annual show in the halls of Olympic Mills.  This visual art festival will coincide with a full weekend of music events held elsewhere in the city.
IF you would like to submit your work, please email guest co-curator Molly Jochem:  art@sirennation.com
Deadline is: SEPTEMBER 10. 
Thank you for making art and celebrating art in Portland. 
Chris Haberman and John Graeter
Directors, Portland City Art

Jul. 27th, 2009

09:57 pm - Siren Nation call for art! Deadline Sept. 8th

Call for Art!

“The Journey”, this years Siren Nation’s fine art extravaganza, to be held at  the Olympic Mills building October through December, 2009, requests submissions from women artists working in all 2D mediums. Work loosely based on the theme , ”The Journey”, whether a personal journey, or an overall  historical  statement , will take priority.

Please submit Jpegs &/or websites addresses- including title, medium, size and price- to art@sirennation.org by Sept.8th, 2009

Siren Nation is a unique arts organization that showcases and creates performance and exhibition opportunities for women throughout the year. We are the only women’s collective that produces an annual festival showcasing the original work of women working in music, film, performance and visual art. For more information please check out www.sirennation.org


Current Mood: hotsweltering

04:47 am - note to the world


if I give and give and give and give
which I do

and then fry out
which I do

don't be surprised if I isolate for a bit
don't worry if I fall away for a bit
don't gripe at me for not being readily available

give me space, please.

thank you.
then I'll be able to give and give and give.

not now.


p.s. and even making art, putting it out there, still... still we give, with that, with it all. no art making is purely for the self, is it? if it is released at some point, discovered?

I'm not bitter. I love who I am, I love my life, the art world is beautiful, life itself is incredible.
so many blessings.

but sometimes, sometimes, just a thank you.. if not to me, to others. to those who have come before.
Van Gogh, "tortured", unrecognized for the most part until after his slow torturous death.
why so long after? why not during his life.. why couldn't we fully see him then?

a little recognition before we are dead (we being the artists living today)
a little (more)... something...
would be nice. at least a little respect.
or, even if not that, how about a little less pressure?

how about giving me the space to breathe, to exist, to isolate, to create?

everyone wants something
everyone wants more
everyone wants everything
so do I

all I can do is find the answers within myself, because I surely can't expect to fully transform society, or change everyone around me, or even have everyone understand me, even partially at times, I am grasping for minnows within the stream.

sometimes I talk to blocks of wood, unresponsive. eyes that peer at me curious..

and now, time to incubate further. a few freeform words to end the night.
abstract thoughts that spiral further, inward, outward, progress toward.. meaning.. toward.. creation.


Much love.

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable

Jun. 10th, 2009

08:23 am - reposting this excerpt from 2004.

"...said earlier on IM. I just wanted to tell him hello and hope his day is going well. I told him a little about some stuff, recent updates about me, and what does he say but "when will it all end?" and I said, "what? the job or the insanity?" and he said "the insanity. "
then I went off about how things are in the arts kind of like a flood of stuff for a show and then a lull...
but really, I wonder...
I feel like saying, um, hi, I'm an ARTIST...
personally it's pretty normal to me to see big fluffy costume bears walking around the theatre seats and be running around coated with paint listening to wierd organ music while the duck psychotherapy screaming and running practice sessions are going on above my head and I am stressed about how to pay for my next tubes of oil paint. This, to me, is normal. Insanity to me is working some job for half my life that I hate and not pursuing my talents and my dreams. I'm not saying he's not, and maybe he meant it lighthearted and he really does understand the artist vision. or maybe he's overwhelmed by my chaotic life and wishes my world would spin around his every word and I could just drop everything for him anytime he wanted or what? who knows. probably reading into things again. things are fine...."

Current Mood: amusedamused

03:22 am - the grief process (reposting this)

I posted this on a journal entry several years back. It was given to me at the time of my father's earthly death. (I really believe there is so so so much more beyond this earthly life!!!)

It may be helpful to repost this for others, so I am doing so.


<u>NORMAL REACTIONS TO LOSS.... the grief process</u>

Grief is often misunderstood by people who have never faced the loss of a close loved one. If this has happened to you for the first time, I hope the following thoughts and information will help you realize that what you are experiencing is normal... though painful. These painful feelings will lessen as long as you are willing to do the grief work which is ahead of you.

...And grief work <u>is</u> work. It takes courage to grieve... to tell someone, with tears in your eyes, that you had three children and only two are still living; or that you were once happily married, but now you live alone; or, Mother's Day or Father's Day has lost its meaning because your parent died.

Others may feel uncomfortable as they observe your pain... so it takes courage not to run from your pain just to make others feel "okay". Finding others who <u>do</u> understand the pain of grief is important at this time.

Then there is the other side... needing to take a "vacation" from your grief, so that your body can have some relief from the pain. Some people do it by going back to work; others by getting involved in a project or activity. You may only be able to do this for twenty minutes at a time during the first few weeks of your grieving, but even that amount of relief can help.

Later, (the time varies for different people and their relationship to the one who died) the heaviness of grief will lessen, though there may continue to be "difficult days" for no reason at all.

I hope the following information will be helpful at this time:

<u>Possible Normal Physical Symptoms of Grieving</u>

- dry mouth, throat and skin (possibly caused by dehydration from crying - use a lip gloss and cream frequently, plus drink plenty of water)
- loss of appetite <u>or</u> over-eating
- sleeplessness
- sexual difficulties or disinterest
- frequently thinking about the one who died
- a need for sighing (difficulty in getting enough air in your lungs)
- an empty, hollow feeling in your stomach
- the area near your heart can hurt, as if it were broken
- extreme tiredness
- difficulty in maintaining concentration in reading anything
- forgetfulness
- sensitivity to loud noises
- feeling confused (your world just turned upside down)

<u>Possible Normal Emotional Symptoms</u>

- things seem unreal
- you may feel distant from others -- as if no one really cares or understands
- loss of meaning in life (hang on!... the meaning will return, though your life and how you see it may be different)
- crying is healthy and important in healing. (Keeping from crying might cause health problems later. Nature gave us tears to flow, not dam up. Men especially can have difficulty in this area, because they have been taught not to cry. But they do, and it's normal and healthy.)

<u>Feelings Sometimes Associated with Grieving</u>

- shock and numbness (a normal way to react to a loss)
- guilt ("if only's" are natural and need to be expressed)
- anger (often we're taught not to feel angry, but anger is a normal feeling and needs to be accepted and expressed - in a non-destructive manner)
- depression (at times, loneliness and lack of motivation may occur for you - don't worry, at some point your motivation will return)
- relief (it is a normal feeling, especially when the one who died suffered before death... or in a sudden death, where there was no suffering)


- Avoid use of drugs and alcohol - they usually stop or delay grief (which means you'll simply have to face the pain of the loss later on)
- Avoid hasty decisions about the belongings of the deceased
- Put off any major decisions (i.e., moving, financial investments, etc.)
- Even though your patience may wear thin, try letting others know what you need and how to help you (giving them this hand-out may help them to understand you and your needs a little better -- gather strength, whenever possible, from your support system, whether it be family, relatives and/or friends)

<u>Resolution and Readjustment</u>

Please have hope, for even before the grief work is over you will have glimpses of living again without constant pain. But it does not happen overnight, so try not to push yourself. Research shows that "most people" think grieving should be ended by either the day after the funeral or at least a two-month time period. THAT IS NOT TRUE! Depending upon your relationship to the deceased (how emotionally close you were), <u>hard</u> grief may last for several months or more.

The time will come when you will have built a new life for yourself. You will be different, and a "healed scar" will be where the pain once was. You may, occasionally, still feel sad and have a strong need to cry. Go ahead, give in to it... there will be those times.

Saying [goodbye].... [I edited a little here]... to someone you love is the hardest thing to do. My heart goes out to you as you face the necessary pain of grief.

[Written by Ms. Kelly Osmont, M.S.W. She is a Bereavement Counselor in private practice in Portland, Oregon, (503) XXX-XXXX ....

Apr. 12th, 2009

11:08 pm - the power of positive thought

I am carving out new and exciting, positive pathways in my mind. I am creating my world as I want it and dream it to be.

Things are changing, and for the better.

Much love to everyone and to the Universe.

Thank you for your continual, incredible love and for so many gifts, so much given.


Current Mood: lovedloved

09:13 pm - Two Roads Diverged... )revisiting(


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


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